Everything about him screamed your future.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
