Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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