remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
