dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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