i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dick very happy bro
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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