The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize