Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
