I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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