I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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