oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
