Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
