If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
