as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
