my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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