I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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