Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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