you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize