I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize