oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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