Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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