I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
