I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
