So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
