Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
