I should be sponsored by Trojan
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I will pee on everything he values.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Panties = found
Randomize
