Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
