No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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