I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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