God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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