fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
