I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
