i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
