The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
