I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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