Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
