guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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