True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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