There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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