Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
