Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
