If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
