U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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