There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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