She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
