Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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