Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
