South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize