I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
