glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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