You're completely useless in the revolution.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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