I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
