I seem to have left my pride at pride
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
