Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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