I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Porn is love you can see.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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