if only i could text you this smell
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize