I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
