I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
