So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
