dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And then he peed in my hair
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