I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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