ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
50% drunk capacity currently
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
