If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
