Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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