Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Screwed.edu
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
