apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
