Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
