I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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