How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
