Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize