I hate your face
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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