went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
