We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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